…that’s when I realized I was seriously awake. My wife and middle daughter had left thirty minutes ago to take a six-hour trip to Cleveland for an accepted college student’s day. Traffic at that time was probably non-existent, but this is Pennsylvania. Visions of dare-devil venison ran through my head, and I hoped they had hung up their antlers and declared car-dodging season over. But it just takes one Bambi-Knievel wanna-be. “Tell Isabella to watch out for deer,” was the last thing I told my wife, right after I said, “I love you, be careful.” I was supposed to be on this trip. Yeah, I wasn’t going back to sleep.
I don’t really suffer from insomnia; I’ve always taken comfort knowing God doesn’t need sleep and He’s got everything under control (Psalm 121:4). But occasionally….
In times of stress or excitement, usually the former, I can hack two hours or more out of a good night’s sleep. The mind either races from one thing to another or fixates on a particular situation and won’t let go. “Don’t look at the clock!” It calls to me. I look. That’s when it’s really over.
“Why don’t you pray?” Good advice, but I’ve learned something. At these times it’s better for me to listen and not talk. Let me explain…. When I’m giving in to worry, I need to take an actual physical attitude of prayer – hands lifted or knees on the ground or sitting with head bowed low, barely balanced; that keeps me from losing focus on God and directing my thoughts to Dr. Doubt and Mr. Worry. Lying down and trying to keep from disturbing my wife while formulating prayers to God just doesn’t get it done. But listening, that’s a different story!
David speaks of thinking of God (Psalm 63:6) and meditating on His promises (Psalm 119:148) through the watches of the night. I’m not sure of everything he had in mind here, but my application of what it means has really helped me out. When the mind races, I reach out for God’s voice in the scriptures lodged in my head and I suddenly find rest. I’m not expressing myself, I’m letting God express Himself to me. His voice is soothing and hushes my spirit into peace. Like a familiar voice to a baby, His comforts me, calms me down, and suddenly, He’s rocked me to sleep.
2:22 AM
